Monthly Archive: December 2016

A Farewell to 2016

As 2016 comes to a close and I look back on this arbitrarily branded chunk of time, I am met with a feeling of relief. For many, it seems, 2016 was a bad year. It’s difficult to say whether this difficulty was really higher than usual, or only seemingly made so with confirmation bias on a background of major celebrity deaths. For myself, 2016 wasn’t so bad. Come to think of it, it wasn’t that...

Insomnia

A blue screen flickers in a room where the only sounds are the distant hum of a refrigerator and the perfectly timed ticking of a clock on the wall. There is no traffic droning by outside the window. There are no voices or footsteps in the hall. The neighbor’s piano was hushed hours ago. The world is asleep, but I am awake. Persistent thoughts spin a web of bloodshot through my stinging eyes. Though my...

Panic Attack

This fear came out of nowhere and a hummingbird has taken the place of my heart. My palms are sweaty and someone turned down the volume of this room that suddenly doesn’t have enough air in it. Full-blown panic attack. Every dark thought I’ve ever had shows up for a party in my brain that I don’t remember sending out invitations to. I’m choking on all the words I’ve not had the courage to say...

Man Made of Pain

He was a tall, broad man with shoulders that could hold the world. Maybe sometimes they did, because he never seemed to stand up straight and even though he faked a smile, it was as transparent as the tears that framed his eyes. He told me stories of a little boy and his father before lifting his sleeves to point out perfect circles of scar tissue with cigarette stained fingers. And I would wonder about...

The Waiting Room

Life is a waiting room. We wait. We wait in line. We wait in cars and on buses and planes. We wait for phone calls and mail deliveries. We wait for appointments, promotions, birthdays and anniversaries. We wait for holidays and the passing from one year to the next. We wait for life. We wait for love. We wait for death. An endless expanse of chairs draped in matching blue fabric that doesn’t quite distract...

I Stopped Talking

Note: This was a writing assignment for a class I took and I got a lot of great feedback so wanted to share it. The instructions were to write something through the eyes of a child, so I wrote from a memory I have of sexual assault from my childhood.  It’s my first day of second grade in a new school and I don’t know what your name is. I’m nervous and scared as I...

Why I Abandoned My Antidepressants

I have gone back and forth where psychotropic medications are concerned, and though I recognize their necessity for some people, I have always had a hard time coming to terms with them within my own life. I have been on antidepressants twice in my life. In both instances, they seemed to work for a while before eventually making me feel dead inside. It sounds dramatic, but it’s pretty accurate. To give a brief history of...

Things I Learned Doing NaNoWriMo

With NaNoWriMo 2016 having concluded several weeks ago, I have tucked my keyboard (and my story) away for the month of December. During this most needed stepping-away, I have had ample time to reflect upon the experience and what I’ve learned post-Nano. On the impossibility of the goal: Writing 50,000 words in a single month is a daunting task. It’s almost self-defeating to look at it in all its full glory. When midnight strikes and...