Monthly Archive: January 2017

Steady Your Hands, There Are Miles Still to Go

I find myself needing a reminder every now and then that it’s not a failure to feel this way. It’s okay to feel like you’re a piece of shit sometimes. It’s okay to feel like giving up – roll credits, the film is over.  It’s okay to be weak, to feel ashamed and fall inside myself to drown a while. Sometimes I forget that I’ve had a hell of a ride and that I’ve been...

Burning Bridges

Sometimes in life the only appropriate response is to throw your hands up in the air to admit defeat. Standing on the bow of a sinking ship isn’t going to do you any favors. The same goes for relationships. We all make decisions in life, and we tend to choose the paths that make our lives better in some way. Everybody wants to be happy and we all hold different recipe cards. Every now and...

From a Second Floor Bathtub

As I lower myself through hot steam, I’m transported to a place without measurable time. It’s just me and this water, in this room. This is nice. I feel relaxed. Water ripples at my temples while I close my eyes and sink deeper. Soon only my nose and knees are above the waterline and I imagine I’m a submarine, hidden deep and safe in the warm water. I smell lavender and palm leaves rising all...

Love Yourself – You’re Beautiful

I look around me and all I see are beautiful women. All a lot of them see are their flaws. An endless race to nip this and tuck that, too fat here and too skinny there. It’s a race that can never be won, because for every person you might think is perfect, they might look in the mirror at the end of the day and hate what they see. If perfection is beauty, I...

I’ll Place You in a Tiny Pocket in My Heart

In life, nothing is ever certain. You could drop dead at any moment, or live to see 100. Life can turn on a dime, and there is often no way to prepare for or alter the direction a path takes. This is never more true than when it comes to the people we walk those paths with. Whether it’s a friend, a lover, a life partner or even a family member, nobody is permanent. This...

Generation Internet – Growing Up Connected

I consider myself to be among the elders of Generation Internet, AKA Generation Y… or X depending on who you ask. I used Yahoo before Google existed. I learned HTML coding in high school. I hung out in IRC chat rooms and used ICQ messenger. I remember when 128MB was huge and it took a week to download a single song through IRC (as long as the person you were downloading it from didn’t go...

We’re All in Transition – Embracing Change

Do people change? I think there are always some aspects of ourselves that we can change, and others that are hard coded into our DNA. One thing that’s for certain is that each and every one of us is always evolving. We gather new information about the world and draw from our experiences, and we grow. Sometimes this happens slowly and gradually over the course of many years, and other times a significant event can...

Her Morbid Fascination – Digital Death

Something I’ve never shared with you guys is a weird addiction I’ve had surrounding death, which started a few weeks after I was widowed several years ago. If you asked me for a reason why I started, I’d say I just wanted to feel like I wasn’t alone. I might as well just come out and say it: I’ve been obsessed with death and everything surrounding it. There have been times where I’ve spent hours...

make someone smile

“That Shirt Looks Nice on You” and Other Ways to Make Someone Smile

There is no better feeling than when you make someone smile. It’s easy to do, but people shy away from doing it because making someone else feel happy can sometimes make you feel awkward or vulnerable. You’re walking down a sidewalk, and you are about to pass by a man who looks like he’s had a bad day. His eyes are pointed downward, his hands in his pockets. Maybe he’s dealing with something terrible at...

Dear Me 1

Dear Me, Things have been pretty tough lately, haven’t they? I know that you’ve been working hard to get on the right track, and that it doesn’t always feel like you’re going anywhere. I think maybe if you stop worrying about trying to be perfect all the time, it’ll be easier. Not everything is black and white. You don’t have to do perfectly or not try at all. Next time you want to sabotage yourself,...