Category: Letters

Dear Me 1

Dear Me 1

Dear Me,

Things have been pretty tough lately, haven’t they? I know that you’ve been working hard to get on the right track, and that it doesn’t always feel like you’re going anywhere. I think maybe if you stop worrying about trying to be perfect all the time, it’ll be easier. Not everything is black and white. You don’t have to do perfectly or not try at all. Next time you want to sabotage yourself, just stop. Stop for a moment and think, is this really what I want? You and I both know that it isn’t.

Spend more time inside. Your mind is always reaching, reaching, reaching for the next thing. Stop worrying about it. Go sit; and I mean really sit and watch your thoughts… like traffic, but don’t get into swept away with it. Just watch. See what I see. It’ll make sense then.

Don’t get involved in work drama. That’s not who you are. It’s hard not to get sucked into it, I know, but step back. Remember why you’re there.

Dear me, you’ve been accumulating too much stuff. Stop buying things you don’t need just because they are on sale. You’re making more clutter around you which will only clutter your mind. You and I both know you’re only trying to fill a void; to get some quick dopamine high from something new. But that high will fade quickly and you know it. These things will not make you happy, nor will they help define you as a person. Only your thoughts and actions can do that, so work on those.

I know that at this point you’re afraid to read it, but started editing your story. Will it suck? Maybe. Just dive into it. If it sucks, so what? You wrote it in a month and if nothing else it was a great learning experience. Start a new book if it sucks.

Take care of yourself! How many times have I told you to stop eating all that junk? Remember your yellow bird. It’s tattooed on your damn wrist to remind you and yet you keep self destructing. You want to live a long time. Make some goals. Stick to them and you’ll do great.

Love,

Wendy

Dear Katelyn Davis,

Dear Katelyn Davis,

I remember being 12 years old, but I didn’t have a camera or a computer to make videos like yours. I watched some of your videos and you remind me a lot of me at that age: troubled, hurting, and the victim of the abuse of a man and a woman wearing the titles of Mother and Father without earning it. You’re a girl with too much weight to hold on your shoulders, and I can see the evidence of that behind your eyes.

I just want to take you aside and tell you that it will get better. It will get better. I want to give you a hug and explain that though you might not feel loved now, you will, because you’re a smart young lady, and you are good enough. I want to show you that it’s possible to survive abuse and depression and come out on the other side well adjusted. It’s a tough road, and I won’t lie to you about that, but it’s possible.

I want to tell you all of these things… but I can’t.

You died by suicide with your cell phone camera pointed at a tree you decorated with your final breath after you live streamed apologies to everyone for not being good enough. I watched you die, and I watched the sun set behind you. I heard your mom call your name before the video went black. And I’m so sorry, Katelyn, that things got that hard. I’m sorry you became part of the abusive undertone of society that treats people like objects to be used and abused. You deserved none of that. You deserved love, and a chance.

For what it’s worth, I want you to know that I heard you. I got your message. Your life means something to me, and to anybody else who has taken the time to listen. I will remember you always.


Love,
Wendy